Divorce and Children: Age-Based Tips to Help Kids Cope

Divorce can have long-term effects on a child’s life, especially if it happens at a young age. U.S. children whose parents divorce when they’re 5 or younger are more likely to earn less as adults, become teen parents, and be incarcerated as young adults. However, with stability and consistent support, many children demonstrate resilience and show few lasting impacts.

How Divorce Can Impact Children’s Mental Health and Well-Being

When parents separate, children often feel the effects in different areas of their lives. Divorce can influence how kids learn, interact with others, and view relationships as they grow older.

While the impact varies for every family, understanding the potential challenges can help parents better support their children through the transition.

Children of divorced parents may experience:

  • Academic and socioeconomic challenges: Divorce is linked to lower academic achievement, delayed school completion, and reduced socioeconomic status.
  • Emotional and behavioral issues: Children may experience mental health challenges, like anxiety, depression, addiction, and relationship difficulties.
  • Long-term attitudes and behaviors: Some may struggle with trust, experience challenges in early adult transitions, or be more likely to cohabitate than marry.

“I really think my parents’ divorce made me put up these walls and treat relationships like they were rentals, temporary.”

– Brandon Hellan, adult child of divorce

It’s important to note that divorce doesn’t affect all children in the same way. A child’s age, personality, and support system play major roles in how they cope with changes at home.

For example, a toddler may not fully understand why one parent no longer lives in the same house, while a teenager may struggle more with feelings of anger or divided loyalty.

Because children’s needs shift as they grow, parents may find it helpful to explore what divorce can look like at different stages of development. This age-by-age guide outlines common reactions and provides tips for supporting children from early childhood through the teenage years.

Children and Divorce: An Age-by-Age Guide to Support

Every child reacts to divorce differently, and their needs often change as they grow. By understanding what children may experience at each stage, parents can offer the right type of reassurance.

Infants & Toddlers (0-3 years)

Even at this young age, children notice changes in their environment. They may not understand divorce, but they are sensitive to tension, disruptions in routine, and changes in parental availability.

Tips to help children at this age include:

  • Limit exposure to conflict: Babies absorb tension, and even raised voices can increase their distress. Keep arguments away from them.
  • Maintain consistent caregivers when possible: Familiar babysitters, daycare providers, and family members reinforce stability.
  • Make up a comfort kit: A favorite stuffed animal or small blanket can travel with them between homes to provide a sense of security.
  • Provide physical reassurance: Extra cuddles, rocking, and gentle touch help regulate their stress.
  • Stick to familiar routines: Keep feeding and nap times the same in both households. Use the same lullaby, blanket, or bedtime story, so transitions feel smoother.

The more predictable life feels, the better infants and toddlers will adapt. Providing warmth and consistency reassures them that even though family life has changed, they are still safe and loved.

Preschoolers (3-5 years)

Preschoolers may misunderstand divorce, sometimes blaming themselves. They often need reassurance and clear explanations to help them process what’s going on.

Tips to help:

  • Encourage expression through play: Drawing, role-playing, or storytelling can help children work through big emotions.
  • Keep drop-offs positive: A calm, cheerful goodbye when transitioning between parents helps minimize anxiety.
  • Offer frequent reassurance: Let them know often that the divorce is not their fault.
  • Use simple, concrete language: Explain changes with words they can understand, like “Mommy and Daddy will live in different houses, but both love you.”
  • Watch for regression: Bedwetting, clinginess, or thumb-sucking may return during stressful transitions. Be patient and supportive.

Preschoolers thrive when parents combine structure with emotional support. Gentle honesty and repeated reassurance can help them feel secure during this time.

Elementary-Age Children (6-12 years)

School-aged children understand divorce better but may feel torn between parents. They may also struggle with academics or friendships as they adjust.

Tips to help:

  • Avoid putting kids in the middle: Don’t ask them to relay messages or take sides between parents.
  • Encourage open dialogue: Let them ask questions and share feelings, even if they’re hard to hear.
  • Maintain friendships and routines: Keeping kids connected to peers, sports, and hobbies builds resilience.
  • Stay involved with school: Attend parent-teacher conferences and extracurricular activities to show consistency.
  • Validate emotions: Acknowledge sadness, anger, or confusion rather than dismissing them.

By providing stability and encouraging healthy outlets, parents can help elementary-aged children adjust while still feeling supported both at home and at school.

Teenagers (13-18 years)

Teens may resent divorce or feel pressure to “take sides.” They may also act out as they search for independence and identity.  Some feel pressured to be the “adult” in the family, while others cope by spending more time with friends and less with parents.

Tips to help:

  • Encourage healthy outlets: Sports, art, journaling, volunteering, or part-time jobs can give them purpose and reduce stress. Monitor online activity as well, since excessive social media use can lead to harm during stressful periods.
  • Offer professional support: Normalize counseling or peer support groups as a positive resource rather than a punishment.
  • Respect their independence, but stay connected: Invite them to talk without forcing it. Car rides, shared meals, or casual activities often open the door to conversation.
  • Set clear boundaries: Teens still need structure. Consistent curfews, school expectations, and household rules show that parents are steady and reliable.
  • Validate their emotions: Say things like “I know this is hard, and it’s okay to feel angry or sad.” Avoid minimizing their feelings.
  • Watch for warning signs: Look for changes in grades, sleep, friendships, or risk-taking behaviors that may indicate deeper struggles.

Although teens may push parents away, steady support and respectful boundaries help them feel secure. With patience and guidance, they can develop the coping skills they need for adulthood.

No matter the age, children benefit most from consistent love, stability, and reassurance. When parents focus on their child’s well-being, kids are more likely to adapt and thrive despite the challenges of divorce.

Children and Divorce Statistics

Divorce can have a lasting impact on children’s lives, though the effects vary depending on their age, family dynamics, and support systems. Research highlights both the challenges and the resilience many children demonstrate.

Find out about children and divorce statistics:

  • Nearly 1 in 3 children in America experience their parents’ divorce before reaching adulthood, according to the U.S. Census Bureau.
  • Children whose parents divorce by age 5 earn about 13% less as adults compared to peers from intact families, AP News reports.
  • Kids from divorced or separated families are 1.5 to 2 times more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior, live in poverty, and have an unstable family when an adult, as noted by a study in World Psychiatry.
  • Roughly 35% of children move homes within 1 year of their parents’ divorce, nearly 3 times the pre-divorce rate, according to the Institute for Family Studies.
  • Early childhood divorce is associated with higher risks of teen births, incarceration, poorer neighborhood quality, and lower life expectancy, the Census Bureau found.
  • The agency says changes in household income, neighborhoods, and closeness to a parent account for up to 60% of these divorce effects.

While divorce can present real challenges for children, some statistics also show that many adapt and grow into healthy, successful adults.

With strong family support and access to helpful resources, parents can minimize the negative effects and give their children the best chance to thrive.

“Despite the significant stressors associated with divorce, approximately 75-80 percent of children develop into well-adjusted adults with no lasting psychological or behavioral problems. They achieve their education and career goals and have the ability to build close relationships.”

– Dartmouth Undergraduate Journal of Science

When to Seek Professional Help

While many children adjust to divorce with time and support, some may struggle in ways that parents can’t manage alone. Knowing when to involve a professional, like a school counselor, therapist, or pediatrician, can make a big difference.

Signs your child may need extra support:

  • Academic decline: Noticeable drops in grades or refusal to attend school
  • Changes in sleep or eating habits: Trouble falling asleep, nightmares, or significant weight loss or gain
  • Frequent behavioral issues: Sudden outbursts, aggression, or defiance that go beyond typical age-related behavior
  • Ongoing sadness or withdrawal: Persistent unhappiness, isolation, or disinterest in activities they once enjoyed
  • Signs of anxiety or depression: Excessive worry, hopelessness, or talk of self-harm

Professionals can help by providing a safe space for children to express their feelings and teach coping strategies tailored to the child’s age and situation. They can also support parents with tools for communication and co-parenting.

Reaching out for professional help is not a sign of failure — it’s a step toward ensuring your child feels supported through life changes. The earlier concerns are addressed, the better the chances for healthy development.

Resources & Tools for Families Navigating a Divorce

Divorce can feel overwhelming, but families don’t have to go through it alone. A variety of educational materials, support networks, and legal resources are available to help parents and children transition more smoothly.

Books and Educational Materials

  • The Kids’ Book of Family Changes by Catherine and Jenny Stepehnson: Helps children understand divorce and separation while managing their feelings in a healthy way
  • The Co-Parenting Handbook by Karen Bonnell: A practical road map for raising resilient kids through separation and divorce
  • It’s Not Your Fault, Koko Bear by Vicki Lansky: A classic picture book that explains divorce in simple, reassuring terms for young children
  • Dinosaurs Divorce by Laurene Krasny Brown and Marc Brown: A child-friendly illustrated book that covers common divorce scenarios
  • Mom’s House, Dad’s House for Kids by Isolina Ricci: A guide written specifically for children navigating two households

Whether it’s reading expert advice, working through activities together, or connecting with community programs, families don’t have to navigate this transition on their own.

Online Support

Online tools can also help give parents practical strategies to ease the stress of divorce and help children feel more secure:

Tip: You can also ask your family law attorney about local resources to help support yourself and your children while you’re navigating a divorce.

Supporting Your Child Through Divorce

Divorce is undeniably challenging, for both parents and children, but research highlights one key truth: Children are remarkably resilient when given stability, love, and clear communication.

Tailoring your approach to your child’s developmental stage, co-parenting respectfully, and seeking support are the building blocks of long-term well-being for your entire family.

If you’re going through a divorce, remember you don’t have to do it alone. Support is available for you and your children to help build a stronger future.

FAQs About Divorce and Children

How does divorce affect children?

Nearly 1 in 3 children in America experience their parents’ divorce before reaching adulthood, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. While every child responds differently, research shows divorce can increase risks of emotional distress, school difficulties, and long-term financial or relationship challenges.

That said, many kids adapt well when parents provide stability, love, and clear communication. Respectful co-parenting and supportive routines can make a big difference in helping children build resilience and thrive despite family changes.

Do children have mental health issues due to divorce?

Children with divorced or separated parents are about 1.5 to 2 times more likely to suffer a mental health disorder, like anxiety disorder or depression, compared to peers with married, non-separated parents, according to World Psychiatry.

Are children of divorce more likely to get divorced?

Yes, children of divorce are at an elevated risk of divorce themselves, but it’s far from guaranteed. Many people from divorced families go on to have long, stable marriages.

The risk depends a lot on what happens after the divorce — how well parents communicate, how much conflict is present, and whether children see positive models of relationships.

How many children have divorced parents?

Nearly 1 in 3 children in America, or about 24 million kids under 18, have divorced parents, according to U.S. Census Bureau data. While not every child lives with only one parent full-time, the numbers show just how common divorce is in American families today.

What's the best way to tell children about divorce?

Experts recommend being honest, simple, and age-appropriate when talking to children about divorce. If possible, both parents should explain together, reassure the child that it’s not their fault, and emphasize they’ll always be loved and cared for.

Focus on stability by pointing out what will stay the same, like school or friends, and gently noting changes, such as living arrangements. Avoid blaming the other parent. Respectful co-parenting helps children adjust.

Kids may need to hear the message more than once, so invite questions, check in often, and offer reassurance. Clear communication and love help them feel safe through the transition.

Rae Theodore

Fact-Checked and Legally Reviewed by: Rae Theodore

Rae Theodore is a writer and editor with more than 30 years of experience in legal publishing. She earned a bachelor’s degree in English from Pennsylvania State University.

  1. AP. “US children of divorce have reduced earnings, increased chances of teen births and jail, study says.” Retrieved from https://apnews.com/article/divorce-marriage-census-bureau-childhood-aebb2c630e7132c32bd7e9c54262238f.
  2. Dartmouth Undergraduate Journal of Science. (2010). “Risk and Resilience in Children Coping with Parental Divorce.” Retrieved from https://sites.dartmouth.edu/dujs/2010/05/30/risk-and-resilience-in-children-coping-with-parental-divorce/.
  3. Institute for Family Studies. (2025). “New Study Finds Lasting Effects of Divorce on Kids.” Retrieved from https://ifstudies.org/blog/new-study-finds-lasting-effects-of-divorce-on-kids.
  4. National Library of Medicine. (2019). “Parental divorce or separation and children’s mental health.” Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6313686/.
  5. U.S. Census Bureau. (2025). “Divorce, Family Arrangements, and Children’s Adult Outcomes.” Retrieved from https://www.census.gov/library/working-papers/2025/adrm/CES-WP-25-28.html.
Last modified:
Call us at (888) 726-9160
Talk with us via Live Chat